Moving does not destroy relationships — it amplifies what is already hurting. In today’s podcast, Elena, CEO & Founder of a relocation support company in Portugal – RelyOn Relocation®️, talks with Tatiana, a family psychologist who has moved abroad with her family three times and works with adults and children during adaptation about how family dynamics change when emigrating.
Tatiana: Good evening everyone. Today we talk about something that often stays “behind the scenes” of emigration — relationships in the family. For me, this topic is very personal. I moved several times, and three of those moves were big family moves. First, I worked with children as a psychologist, then with individual adults, and finally I came to family therapy. Families start to feel tension after moving, and it is hard for everyone.
Emigration is rarely easy. Every person goes through adaptation and the loss of their usual life. You lose the old comfort: your city, language, social circle, daily routines. It is not just tiredness. It can feel like the ground is moving under your feet. At this moment, relationships often begin to crack.
Most often parents come with complaints about children. It can be bedwetting, apathy, silence, problems accepting the new country or school. Children are indicators that something is hard in the family. If there is emotional and parental support, children feel this support and return to their usual rhythm. If parents are stressed, argue about money, do not discuss responsibilities, and everything just piles up, children feel it very strongly. A child’s symptoms are a sign that the child is going through the same crisis as the parents.
Elena: And this is exactly why our topics connect. Tatiana is a systemic family psychologist and expert in adaptation. I work on the relocation side — visas, insurance, documents, daily logistics. We wanted to talk together about how relocation affects a couple, how roles in the family change, and how this influences harmony and the circle of friends. Moving is a stress, and stress often hits the closest people — partner and children.
On the practical level, there is a huge energy load. New routes, a new language, everyday tasks, documents, schools, insurance — all of this takes a lot of energy and creates irritation. And each person reacts differently. Someone feels angry about the weather, someone about the people, someone about their own feeling of “I cannot cope”. If you do not speak about it, it goes into small fights and hidden resentment.
Tatiana: In every relationship there is a “grey zone” — topics that no one wants to discuss. In your home country you had routine, support from family and friends, and this grey zone could stay quiet for years. In another country, with no familiar support, everything bursts out. That is why the main recommendation is simple: observe, talk and listen to your partner. Not only think about your answer, but really listen. Also, people adapt at different speeds. One partner learns the language faster and starts to enjoy the new life, the other misses home and feels lost. This creates irritation and hurt on both sides, and it is important to speak about it directly.
Elena: It is the same with roles. Someone is first to find a job and becomes “the successful one”, and the other worries and feels less valuable. But in fact everything starts with communication with yourself: “Something is wrong, I am tired, I cannot cope alone.” If you do not admit this to yourself, it is very hard to talk honestly with your partner about who does what, which decisions are temporary, and where you need help from each other or from professionals.
Tatiana: People are often afraid to say simple things: “I am tired, too much is on me”, “I cannot manage, let’s share some tasks.” Instead, they try to cover the stress with something else: overworking, getting sick, building small addictions. But this is not a solution. The real solution is to talk, get support and redistribute the load. A simple family “round table” can help: sit down and decide who takes which tasks now, based on what is easier for each person.
Elena: On the relocation side I see the same pattern. Families try to do everything alone: visas, residence permits, insurance, mortgages, all in a language they do not know well. Mistakes, delays and irritation appear very quickly. It is often more effective to give part of these tasks to professionals and save your energy for each other and for the children.
Tatiana: And children react first. A bit more sadness, closed behaviour, tears and tantrums — this is not “bad behaviour”, it is a signal that there is strong tension in the family. Famous family therapist Salvador Minuchin said that a couple is the “power station” of the family. If the relationship between parents is open and trusting, the child feels stable, and the stress from the move is much lower.
In the second article we will talk about what stands behind the phrase “roles change in the family”. Who becomes the main earner, who carries the home and documents, why this is such a painful topic, and how to agree on roles so that no one feels “less
If you are planning to move to Portugal or are already here and feel that the pressure on your family is too strong, you do not have to do everything alone. The RelyOn Relocation® team can take care of documents, insurance, policies and services, so you can keep your energy for your relationships and your children. Book a consultation — your journey to Portugal begins here.
