A move abroad rarely begins with paperwork. It begins with a thought, often years earlier, that life could look different somewhere else. What happens between that thought and arrival matters more than most people expect.
In this first episode of our series, Elena Bykovets, CEO and Founder of RelyOn Relocation®, talks with Deborah Dahab, an intercultural psychologist, relocation strategist and expat coach who has lived in six countries.
They discuss why so many international moves end earlier than planned, what Deborah learned from her own first years in Lisbon, and a simple method for choosing a location based on what truly matters to you.
Elena: Deborah, thank you for joining me. I really believe that before the legal process, people should work with someone who helps turn their thoughts into a clear plan. Then they come to us, and we take care of the documents. Could you introduce yourself?
Deborah: Thank you, Elena. We see the process in a similar way, so I knew this would be a good conversation. I’m an intercultural psychologist, relocation strategist and expat coach. I help people with two things. The first is making decisions they have never made before. Even if you have moved abroad already, you may be at a different age, with a different family, different finances, a different country. These decisions are life-changing, and they carry weight.
Elena: And you help people decide based on what is right for them, not what is popular online?
Deborah: Exactly. Not what’s trending online. Where do I move? How do I plan financially? How do I organise my paperwork, learn the language, help my family adjust? I call it “from first decision to complete integration”. The second part is strategy. You know you need to learn the language or make friends, but how? The answer is different for everyone.
Elena: You also have a business background, right?
Deborah: Yes, I have an MBA. My method brings together intercultural psychology and project management, and that overlap is quite unique. Part of my motivation came from my own mistakes. I first moved to Lisbon in 2001. I’m Brazilian, I speak Portuguese, and I had a well-paid job. Still, after almost five years, I quit and left.
Elena: Portugal was a very different country back then.
Deborah: It was. But the fundamentals still hold. A PricewaterhouseCoopers report found that up to 40% of international corporate assignments fail, meaning people return earlier than planned. And that’s with company support for visas and logistics. For people who move on their own, I would imagine the number is at least the same. Although “failure” is a very relative word.
Elena: Interesting, I never looked at it this way. Our clients go through the process with us, and then we offer three to six months of settling-in support, almost like a personal assistant. Recently someone asked for twelve months, and I said, “Honestly, you won’t need it.” After a few months, people stand on their own feet.
Deborah: That makes sense. But you need to follow people for longer, several years. In more than ten years of working with hundreds of people, I often see them move on to a second country. It’s not necessarily a failure, but the first choice didn’t consider what really mattered to them.
Elena: I see this too. People move to Poland or Germany and then realise they really need sunshine. I chose Portugal for the climate, the ocean and the sunny days. You need to listen to yourself.
Deborah: Yes. One of the biggest mistakes is looking at locations first, whether a country, a city, a neighbourhood or even an apartment. I use a method I call the criteria funnel. We all have a wishlist, but it’s almost impossible to get everything on it. So you need to know what you’re willing to trade.
Elena: And that’s never easy.
Deborah: No, because we want it all, and we want it now. So first we look at your likes, dislikes and wishlist, and then your non-negotiables, five or six items at most. Only then do you look at places. That flips the script. Instead of endless videos and overwhelm, you eliminate options and stay focused.
In the next episode, Elena and Deborah look at the space between dreaming and deciding: why many people stay stuck for years, how to know when you are ready, and how to use a scouting trip as a real decision tool.
